Fucking up, I mean. We’ve both fucked up multiple times and now what? I’m stressed out, you’re stressed out and neither of us ever know what’s going on. What are we doing? I never understand you and you always misinterpret me. Will we ever come to a conclusion? I love you. I do. I’m crying as I’m writing this: I care. I don’t think we will make it in a relationship but I wish we could stay as friends. I know you would never be okay with that idea but I would love it. You are my light right now but also my darkness. I feel you creeping over as sunshine some days but some other days you are the smoke of a fire smoldering over a city and relaying imminent doom. I love you, darkness. My innocent darkness. I wish you could see me from where I’m standing. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve fucked up plenty of times, but you have as well. Some things are very uncomfortable for me and I don’t think you get what that means. UN COMFORT ABLE. I’m comfy sometimes and that scares me. Why only sometimes? Why am I afraid right now? Why can’t stop believing you are going to leave me? Because you are? Because I am? I don’t know anymore. All I know is that I’m hurting, and it is a great deal of us. I hate this but I don’t want to lose you. I never want to lose you. How do I hurt less and still love you? Nov 13 How do people do this forever?